The Pen Commandments

Let there be a Fountain Pen, said the Lord!

No, I was not called upon to climb up the Montblanc to hear the Lord’s words. And no, when I reached there, He, my Lord did not give me i-pads that I was supposed to bring back so that I could preach His words to the chosen ones – the children of the Holy land of Fountain Pens. And no, when I did come down, and there was no Joshua with me either, I did not see the children dancing around a temple they had built with a golden ballpoint pen and a stylus in it. Neither did I see them worshipping before it.

But I still have the pen commandments, a Decalogue, set of principles relating to the ethics and worship of the Fountain Pen. Forgive me O Lord, if I have sinned, for to me, your truest manifestation is a fountain pen. I Love them and Worship them as You and I seek your blessings to spread Your word among my fellow fountain pen lovers.

So, hear me all ye, children of ink and paper, for the Lord has spoken and He has asked me to spread His Pen Commandments so that he may lead you to deliverance. And here are the Ten Commandments for Fountain Pen Lovers:

The First Commandment: I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt not have any strange writing instruments before Me. Trust the fountain pen and carry it in all times in your shirt pockets and your purses so that you may stay blessed and the thoughts that you ink remain pure.

The Second Commandment: Thou shalt not take the name of the Fountain Pen, thy God in vain. Nor in vainglory, for the Lord dwells in the cheap as He dwells in the branded expensive fountain pens. Praise the Lord, not the accoutrements on the pens, or the brands.

The Third Commandment: Remember to keep holy the Sabbath day to clean your Fountain pen. Your soul needs cleansing and your nib, feed and filling system needs cleaning. Use water and a piece of cloth. He who gave you the pen, also gave you the means of cleaning it.

The Fourth Commandment: Honour thy father and mother – the ink and the paper. A fountain pen does not write the Lord’s will on thin air. It needs ink and paper. Honour therefore, your parents and make them your own, for it is through them that you were born and it will be through them that you will manifest the Lord’s will. 

The Fifth Commandment: Thou shalt not kill – even for the love of a fountain pen. The pen is mightier than all the swords ever made and the Lord decrees that you will not take life, instead, let your pen light the fire of illumination, let your pen dispel the darkness of sins, let your pen be the instrument to spread joy and happiness.

The Sixth Commandment: Thou shalt not commit adultery with Pen, ink or paper. It’s the impure thought that corrodes the soul. Likewise, it is the words that you write that defines the pen you wield. Words of sin dries up the fountain of the pen, they pain the Lord. So, every time you draw ink, make sure you use it spread His glory. And yes, may your tribe increase!    

The Seventh Commandment: Thou shalt not steal no Pen. Wield your pen to alleviate – steal – the pain of the suffering, but steal no pen, however shiny or vintage it may be. Stolen kisses may remain cherished memories forever, stolen pens wont.

The Eighth Commandment: Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour, especially in FP lover’s groups. Curb the desire to bear false witness in the animated discussions that take place in the groups, post no false emogies and refrain from posting downloaded pictures of fountain pens to pass them as yours. For the Lord and Google knows all and tracks your electronic footprints.

The Ninth Commandment: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s Pen. The Lord made all pens equal, that is why even though the novice demands an expensive one, the Saints can make do with the reed. Pursue the art of the writing, purify your thoughts … lust not after the pen, especially thy neighbour’s.

The Tenth Commandment: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s ink or paper. Pen, Ink, Paper maketh the man. Toil earns them, toil with them earns one the entry into the Kingdom Come. Ride thy hobby horse, but earn thy keep, covet not what belongs to others, achieve it with the sweat of your brow !